Don't Imprison Your Loved Ones🇬🇧🇳🇱

In a previous post, I wrote about how determinism can be equated with oppression. The article was written from a deeply philosophical, and therefore very rational angle. But since I understand this is not how everyone likes to read such topics, I would like to try again from a more emphatic angle.

Please bear in mind, I’m a rational-first, empathy-second kind of person. But I already wrote a piece about Teaching Empathy, so I’d like to try writing this one from the empathy-first angle.

After all, achieving balance is very much about giving choices and opportunities to opposite voices. As such, I consider myself a feminist when I feel the feminine voice is being suppressed. But I’ll take the side of men when I feel the feminists are pushing it too far. I do this in the name of balance, and because I feel I can relate to both sides of the spectrum.

But yeah, I am a man, after all.

I may be a philosopher, but I’m not going to defy the laws of physics. And it’s not only the laws of physics that hold me in chains. As a man, our culture has decreed that I should be a rational-first voice, otherwise other men will not consider me as a serious person anymore. It’s a fate I have resigned to.

It also means that in today’s culture, I am undoubtedly going to run into women who feel that my message reeks of toxic masculinity. I don’t intentionally try to offend women, but I cannot control other people’s sensitivities.

Ironically, I was called out on LinkedIn for spreading a sexist message… by another man. I admit I had to chuckle a bit. LinkedIn is an ego-centric, career-driven network after all, and I find that many men that speak out there are rather clueless.

I think his heart was in the right place, but I digress…

As a balancist, I’m not too shy about breaking cultural norms in the name of balance. I want to be progressive, yet I cannot be too progressive, because I don’t want to forget all about the past. At least, not too quickly.

On Substack, I was reading a post the other day that struck a powerful chord with me that had me in literal tears. It was called the Absent Lyre.

Then again, I’ve been slightly more emotional lately since I finished my second novel and I also underwent a vasectomy. The pain of both is still fresh on my lips (the novel is also about themes of grief and struggle).

For me, personally, the Philosophy of Balance is also a project I started to combat my inner demons. In some ways, I feel it’s my confessional. After all, while I’m not a religious person, I still believe. I believe in Life, God, Nature and the Universe. And I feel that people sometimes need to confess things.

Now, as an empathic person, I don’t want to come on too strongly by confessing everything about myself. That’s also not what the Philosophy of Balance is about.

Instead, what I do is, I take parts of myself, parts of the world around me, and I write stories that relate to both.

I feel that’s what I need to do, and I feel it’s something the world may need as well. I feel we need a time for healing. Together, but also independently.

I feel we don’t need more men fighting for the rights of women, just as I feel we don’t need more women trying to become more like men.

Is that a sexist confession? I suppose it may be. But I say it because I feel both men and women are beautiful in their own right, and we don’t need to constantly try to step into each other’s shoes.

Balance is found in twos, between opposites.

Love is found in one, within ourselves.

Sometimes, we need to confront ourselves, and dare to confess, so that we can learn to understand, and relearn to love one another.

When I started the Philosophy of Balance, I jumped into the pits of metaphysics. A deep plunge, but it helped me find my way back by taking a rational yet opinionated stance.

I finally realised what I really wanted to do with my philosophy. The goal isn’t to confess; I wanted to align the heart and the mind so that both could teach how to live in balance, for the betterment of myself, ourselves, and hopefully as many around us as we can carry.

Alignment of heart and mind is an exercise in balance. It’s about gaining a common understanding between rationality and empathy.

This, I feel, is key. By embracing both rationality as well as empathy, we leave people a choice, so they don’t feel imprisoned. Do you want to be the rational voice, or the empathic one? It’s your choice.

We can love and respect both, especially those that don’t radicalise in one direction or the other.

This is also why I say you don’t always need to make the right choice. Balance isn’t something to be radicalised either.

You are allowed to screw up, as long as you try not to hurt too many others. You are allowed to make mistakes. Setting right your mistakes can be a fearful undertaking. But it’s something I believe you can do. And once you’ve faced your fears, you will be given a new choice. A new chance.

We hope you take it.

Love, Arend